Sunday, June 29, 2014

Confessions of a Young Married Woman

Mmm, juicy title! But since I tend to be brutal honest in everything that I say/write and do, I must add a disclaimer. I won't say anything that's too personal. Not that I don't want to, I just think I must not!

Dan and I had a very challenging week. The reason why, I won't tell. We had lots of ups and downs while trying to fix the situation. And that's why I'm writing this post. In my blog I like to talk about the good and the bad so people won't think I'm perfect, or that my marriage is perfect, or that my kids are perfect.

There is not such a think, folks! Don't ever let blogs (even good blogs), facebook, instagram or whatever it is to make you believe life is perfect for some people, and yours are far from it! I've been there too! I know how easy it is to think like that when we are so immersed in other people's lives through social media.

The second reason why I want to write about this, it's because I do believe Dan and I have something different that might come in handy for some of you, readers, but that's up to you to take it or leave it. So I'll just do my thing here and (almost) spill the beans!

What I believe we have in our favor that's different from what the world offers to most of us, is that we are stuck together, on our free will. Forever. There is no divorce for us! That's obvious for me to say since I'm a cradle catholic and my parents just taught me that way!

But maybe I've never mentioned to you guys the main motive why Dan wanted to marry me. And it's not a flattering one. When I ask him (maybe trying to extract some compliments to raise up my self-esteem), and I did ask him more than a couple of times in the 6 years time period, his answer is always the same and that's how I know he is saying the truth and not trying to impress or maybe just trying to guess what the "right-must-say-it-answer-this-woman-wants-from-me".

He says he knew I was the one for him because he was sure we wouldn't get divorced. Ever.

I can imagine some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, "what a bullshit". Well, folks, that's not a bullshit, and the non religious MAN that Dan was before he met me said it first to prove it. So it's completely normal for people to wish for a marriage that will last until death sets us apart, and I'm trying to say it's quite possible too.

Now I can imagine some of you thinking "what good it is to have a marriage that it will last forever if your marriage is falling apart and both of them are unhappy?" I hear and heart you my friend! But you see, that's not how it works. When TWO people want the marriage to last forever we also want and believe we can overcome anything that comes our way. In other words, we zeal for our marriage. We don't let things get escalated to the breaking point, or to the unhappiness point. We want our marriage to work so badly, that both us try our best to not to put our marriage in danger and to always forgive, to always communicate, to always try to solve things (and "things" will come, friend) and finally to find ways to feel in love for that one special person again. (For some ideas, just check the web or go straight to pinterest. There are lot of good stuff out there!)

Of course we don't take it for granted. I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself, but let me explain it better. What I'm saying is that no one knows the future. And people might change. And big "things" (let's keep it general) might "happen". That one of us might screw things pretty bad one day. Sure, it can happen! But I'm positively sure that to be conscious of it, to fear it, turns it into something else that also favors our cause. We know it can happen, we fear it, we don't want it, thus we work on it! That means, we are people more likely to not put ourselves in danger of falling into temptations. And temptations are everywhere, we all know that!

I would like to say I think like this because I'm a catholic, that is, because of God. But that would be only a fraction of the truth. I think I mainly do it because I love Dan. Because I remember why I wanted to marry him. Because, sure, we have kids together, etc. So this is for everyone folks. Not only the catholic ones. I believe it's something really natural to people. I could write one thousand of reasons why I believe this, but that's not my goal.

Hey, I'm not trying to diminish anyone in here. I know some of your might be divorced. Some of you might have your parents divorced. And I feel your pain, even if you don't feel it anymore. Sometimes, for you or your parents there is nothing else to do about it. We can't go back in time. But, for some of you, yes, there would be something you could do if you wanted it. If you would swallow your pride, try to see the other side, to think about the other person's feelings. To recognize your wrong doing and man up (or woman up), and ask for forgiveness. And then, to swallow your pride one more time and to truly forgive.

Forgiveness.

My marriage isn't perfect. From time to time, "things" show up and rub its lying-growing-wooded-nose on our faces trying to put us down. To shatter our worlds. Well, we just keep on fighting. It's worth it. You might not believe it's worth it sometimes. But let the storm calm down. Let the other approach you (or maybe it's you who must make the first move) with words of forgiveness or asking for it. You will feel it. You will feel that relieving feeling of having him, or her back to comfort you. To be there for you. You are mates and dates forever! It's all you really wanted.

And the best is yet to come! I know this because, in almost six years of marriage, we are improving each year in how we deal with problems, in how we work not to get in trouble, in how we forgive. There are bumps every now and then. But in general, it's very obvious we are getting better with time!

"This too shall pass".

Love,
Gabby

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