Sunday, June 29, 2014

Confessions of a Young Married Woman

Mmm, juicy title! But since I tend to be brutal honest in everything that I say/write and do, I must add a disclaimer. I won't say anything that's too personal. Not that I don't want to, I just think I must not!

Dan and I had a very challenging week. The reason why, I won't tell. We had lots of ups and downs while trying to fix the situation. And that's why I'm writing this post. In my blog I like to talk about the good and the bad so people won't think I'm perfect, or that my marriage is perfect, or that my kids are perfect.

There is not such a think, folks! Don't ever let blogs (even good blogs), facebook, instagram or whatever it is to make you believe life is perfect for some people, and yours are far from it! I've been there too! I know how easy it is to think like that when we are so immersed in other people's lives through social media.

The second reason why I want to write about this, it's because I do believe Dan and I have something different that might come in handy for some of you, readers, but that's up to you to take it or leave it. So I'll just do my thing here and (almost) spill the beans!

What I believe we have in our favor that's different from what the world offers to most of us, is that we are stuck together, on our free will. Forever. There is no divorce for us! That's obvious for me to say since I'm a cradle catholic and my parents just taught me that way!

But maybe I've never mentioned to you guys the main motive why Dan wanted to marry me. And it's not a flattering one. When I ask him (maybe trying to extract some compliments to raise up my self-esteem), and I did ask him more than a couple of times in the 6 years time period, his answer is always the same and that's how I know he is saying the truth and not trying to impress or maybe just trying to guess what the "right-must-say-it-answer-this-woman-wants-from-me".

He says he knew I was the one for him because he was sure we wouldn't get divorced. Ever.

I can imagine some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, "what a bullshit". Well, folks, that's not a bullshit, and the non religious MAN that Dan was before he met me said it first to prove it. So it's completely normal for people to wish for a marriage that will last until death sets us apart, and I'm trying to say it's quite possible too.

Now I can imagine some of you thinking "what good it is to have a marriage that it will last forever if your marriage is falling apart and both of them are unhappy?" I hear and heart you my friend! But you see, that's not how it works. When TWO people want the marriage to last forever we also want and believe we can overcome anything that comes our way. In other words, we zeal for our marriage. We don't let things get escalated to the breaking point, or to the unhappiness point. We want our marriage to work so badly, that both us try our best to not to put our marriage in danger and to always forgive, to always communicate, to always try to solve things (and "things" will come, friend) and finally to find ways to feel in love for that one special person again. (For some ideas, just check the web or go straight to pinterest. There are lot of good stuff out there!)

Of course we don't take it for granted. I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself, but let me explain it better. What I'm saying is that no one knows the future. And people might change. And big "things" (let's keep it general) might "happen". That one of us might screw things pretty bad one day. Sure, it can happen! But I'm positively sure that to be conscious of it, to fear it, turns it into something else that also favors our cause. We know it can happen, we fear it, we don't want it, thus we work on it! That means, we are people more likely to not put ourselves in danger of falling into temptations. And temptations are everywhere, we all know that!

I would like to say I think like this because I'm a catholic, that is, because of God. But that would be only a fraction of the truth. I think I mainly do it because I love Dan. Because I remember why I wanted to marry him. Because, sure, we have kids together, etc. So this is for everyone folks. Not only the catholic ones. I believe it's something really natural to people. I could write one thousand of reasons why I believe this, but that's not my goal.

Hey, I'm not trying to diminish anyone in here. I know some of your might be divorced. Some of you might have your parents divorced. And I feel your pain, even if you don't feel it anymore. Sometimes, for you or your parents there is nothing else to do about it. We can't go back in time. But, for some of you, yes, there would be something you could do if you wanted it. If you would swallow your pride, try to see the other side, to think about the other person's feelings. To recognize your wrong doing and man up (or woman up), and ask for forgiveness. And then, to swallow your pride one more time and to truly forgive.

Forgiveness.

My marriage isn't perfect. From time to time, "things" show up and rub its lying-growing-wooded-nose on our faces trying to put us down. To shatter our worlds. Well, we just keep on fighting. It's worth it. You might not believe it's worth it sometimes. But let the storm calm down. Let the other approach you (or maybe it's you who must make the first move) with words of forgiveness or asking for it. You will feel it. You will feel that relieving feeling of having him, or her back to comfort you. To be there for you. You are mates and dates forever! It's all you really wanted.

And the best is yet to come! I know this because, in almost six years of marriage, we are improving each year in how we deal with problems, in how we work not to get in trouble, in how we forgive. There are bumps every now and then. But in general, it's very obvious we are getting better with time!

"This too shall pass".

Love,
Gabby

Friday, May 23, 2014

Saga do Diploma Perdido

Essa vai ser uma história parecida com aquela da Rebecca e das chaves! Se você ainda não leu esse post e gostaria de ler aqui vai o link.

Eu precisava achar o diploma de doutorado do Dani. Ok, não era essencial que eu o achasse pois tinhámos outras alternativas, como por exemplo requisitar uma nova cópia, mas isso envolveria mais tempo, trabalho e dinheiro.

Enfim, na quarta-feira eu tinha procurado em todas as caixas e gavetas que eu consegui pensar! Dei uma olhada em cima das prateleiras dos closets, e nada! Sinceramente, eu não conseguia pensar aonde mais procurar!

O Dani procurou no lab e também não estava lá, como já era esperado! Sabíamos que estava em casa, mas eu não o estava achando em nenhum lugar! E como o diploma era grande, dentro de um envolope grande (como assim eu julgava ser), era muito estranho que eu ainda não o tivesse encontrado.

Hoje voltando da academia me deu aquele bug da limpeza, sabe? A minha casa estava cheia de maloquinhas espalhadas e eu não aguentava mais olhar pra toda essa bagunça. Recolhi as revistas da mesa de jantar e fui colocá-las dentro da caixa que eu guardo todas as minhas revistas!

E acabei meio que perdendo um tempinho selecionando as revistas que eu ainda não tinha lido E as quais eu gostaria de ler. Ps. Tem uma revista que chega aqui em casa chamada "Journal" e adoro uma das seções chamada "Can This Marriage Be Saved". Traz histórias verídicas sobre casos de terapia matrimonial com questões muito interessantes e como que a terapia está ajudando os casais. É bem interessante! Então eu estava selecionando todas as revistas Journal que ainda não tinha lido a seção que eu tanto gosto!

Enquanto isso, é claro, aproveitei para mais uma vez procurar o tal diploma dentro das caixas! Quando acabei de olhar as três caixas e meio frustrada mas conformada por mais uma vez não ter encontrado o diploma resolvi que era hora de ir comer alguma coisinha, porque academia dá muita fome, não é??

Levantei, mas dai veio na cabeça AQUELA conversa com Deus!

"Meu Deus, não é engraçado que nesse exato momento que eu estou procurando sem sucesso esse diploma, Você sabe exatamente aonde ele está? Eu bem sei que não é sempre que as coisas devem funcionar assim mas, se Você quiser, poderia me inspirar agorinha pra eu ir procurar no exato lugar aonde ele está." Pensando mais em como Deus, se Ele quiser, Ele tem o poder de o fazer!

Foi isso. Automaticamente sem realmente pensar no que estava fazendo, virei 180 graus. Olhei pra cima. Tinha uma sacola verde em cima da prateleira. Eu pensei! "É, eu não olhei dentro daquela sacola, mas eu sei que lá eu guardo o colchão inflável. Mas né? Vamos dar uma olhadinha porque não custa nada!"

Sério gente, quase que eu não ia subir pra checar porque enquanto eu arrumava as revistas eu tinha sentado ajoelhada e minhas pernas estavam meio bambas! Mas subi no banquinho mesmo assim. Olhei a sacola!

"É, realmente eu estava certa! Aqui só tem o colchão inflável".

Gente, dai nem sei como que se sucedeu, mas não é que atrás da sacola - eu tive meio que levantar pra ver - estava o ROLO do diploma!!!!! Não estava em um envelope como eu pensava/lembrava! Mas sim dentro de um rolo branco, jogado ao fundo da alta prateleira disfarçado por serem ambos da mesma cor, atrás da sacola verde!!!

Tudo isso que escrevi não durou mais que um minuto!!

Eu não tive dúvida nenhuma que Deus realmente tinha resolvido me dar aquela graça de inspiração, do mesmo jeito que eu tinha raciocinado e pedido!! É muito interessante quando acontece isso! É uma certeza que vem de dentro! Sentimento quase inexplicável.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

A lesson for me from Amy

This morning my two kids and I attended a certain event organized by the catholic homeschooling group of our area. Although I don’t have kids in school age yet, I got to know some of the moms that are part of this group and they invited me over to come to our May Crowning celebration.

Ps. May is the month that we catholics traditionally celebrate the Mother of God and our Mother, Mary. Our May crowning constituted of all the adorable kids and moms walking around the church building intoning the praises of Mary (some of them are: Virgin Most Holy, Mother of God, Queen of Peace, etc) followed by the response: “pray for us”. Then one of the kids puts a crown of flowers on a Mary statue and we offer some flowers, like we would do to our own mothers.

Well, before the Mary crowning celebration some of the families attended the 10am mass. Our family was one of the them. If you have been reading this blog for a while you would know that the kids and I always go to church to attend the daily mass. Well, what most of you must not be aware of is that for a couple of months already it has been very tiring and very energy consuming to take the kids with me and trying to make them behave at church. It has become nearly impossible to achieve the latter.

What usually results from this it’s a worn out momma who really didn’t pay any attention to mass, some (just a few, fortunately) cranky people who don’t want to hear my children’s noise AND myself feeling humiliated.

Well, of course! A lot comes to my mind when I’m having a bad day with the kids. Thoughts like: “people must really feel like I’m not doing enough to keep my children quiet”, “people think I’m a really bad educator”, “people question my values and what I’m teaching my children”, “people question my decision to take my kids to church”, “people are getting tired of hearing my children’s noise and blame me for being inconsiderate with others”. And so on.

And what follows all of these thoughts it’s me doing a cranky face. An ugly face. Fuming and huffing. My subconscious must feel that by showing all these faces and huffing sounds I give the message that “it’s not my fault”, “it’s very hard on me too” and “I DON’T AGREE WITH WHAT THEY ARE DOING EITHER BUT I’M REALLY TRYING, OK?!!!”.

And today at Mass, it was one of the worst days so far for me and the kids. And there were so many moms there, I knew everyone could hear us from OUTSIDE the church’s doors. So when the mass and the Mary crowning was over, I still had some of these thoughts in my mind. One of the moms came to introduce herself to me. She had many small children. I said something and she said another, and I could feel we connected. She must be one sweet mom. She clearly seemed to me a good person. And so smiling.

But then comes troll Gabby with her nonsense responses causing everything to go downhill. She complimented Nico on being so cute. To which I respond: “And loud”. She graciously responded although I could feel she was thrown back a little “that’s their job”. I laughed and added the cherry on top to seal the deal “he is very good at it”. The conversation was over right there and the good impression and sympathy she must have felt for me at the beginning probably went out of window. Well, If I was her, I would certainly not have wanted to be friends with someone as cranky as I am and someone who keeps joking about what is not funny at all. Someone who can’t deal with child problems and someone who can’t be nice, actually. Someone who isn’t sweet.

And only today I’ve realized (ok, not only today, it has being happening for a while already) that the message that really gets through when I'm giving away all these signs it’s that I really hate my job. That I regret being a mom. That being a mom, sucks! That I don’t love my children enough to bear with them. And while it might be true that I could work on some more patience and more love, that’s not at all how I feel about motherhood!

I love being a mom and I love my children so much. I could kiss and hug and snuggle them all day. I love their smiles and we have lots of fun together! And I’m not cranky all the time. Possibly not even on the majority of time. My children make me a better person and I don’t regret at all any of it. Sure I would like a lot of things to be different and better. But I’m reasonable enough to understand that no one can achieve that on anything. That’s how life is. That’s how people are!

When I come to think about this, it comes to my mind a small of part of a lyric from a great Brazilian poet singer Caetano Veloso: “Cada um sabe a dor e a delícia de ser o que é.” Meaning “which one of us knows the pain and the delight of being who we are”. Also very true for every single happening in our lives.

That’s why it is so important for me to put on a good face when things don’t go my away. It’s not a matter of faking a joy that I don’t feel. But it is really because I’m not sending the message I wanted to. And that kids are actually great! To have a family is great. The process of educating and forming your child will make you a better person. And that’s good! It’s very good! The love you will feel for your kids will surprise you every single day. The worry for them will determine all of your actions. You'll hurt when they get hurt. You will smile when they smile. You’ll think of them constantly like when we do in the early stages of falling in love with someone.

So yes! I’m not faking at all when I’m trying to put on a good face for others! And as a result, it will also make me a better person. Because all the things that pester me when my children are being - well, children, it’s because I’m focusing on me. In my image. In my lack of patience and self-giving.

I wish I could be more like Amy, the sweet mom I’ve just met. I don’t actually know any more about her. But the smile and sweetness of her voice and the lessons she taught me by not even trying to do so, I hope they will last enough on my mind and heart in order for me to change my temper a bit. My family and friends will benefit from it.


Monday, April 14, 2014

Everything is a bit of a fixer-upper!

So on my last post I mentioned I was doing some spring cleaning and also some changes in our home arrangements! Here is what we've got so far, plus some other random facts! I love random!

1. Nico and Rebecca are sleeping in the same room now. We wanted to have a guest room available since we will be having some company over in a week: a friend from college will be in Houston on a business trip and I invited her over to sleep in our house! Besides, my in-laws will be here for a good amount of time in november and if everything goes according to the plans, maaaaaybe we'll have some other visitors. You know who you are! Oh... no, you don't! You don't read my blog! Anyway.... The kids are doing fine! The nights are ok since I put Nico to sleep before Rebecca so they don't get to interact with each other. Nico is having some rough nights, but that's probably because something else that's bugging him! And during the naps.... well, regarding this... I'm cheating on the system! I've tried to put them together to nap and sometimes it would work and some other times, it wouldn't! So Nico is sleeping on his crib while Rebecca is having her naps on the "big bed" in the guest room! Don't judge, mommy needs her babies to have their naps! For sanity reasons!

2. No more clutter in our living room! So talking to some friends the other day about how they (super moms of 4 and 5 five kids each) keep their houses so clean, there was only one answer out there: No toys are allowed in the living room! Well, I kinda knew that before, but after struggling trying to keep both things (toys and organization) I was finally convinced to try otherwise. Well, this is my new living room, and the kid's new bedroom! Well, I gotta say I love the new look and the kids love to play on it and it doesn't interfere with their sleep, so: success!!

Her side of the bedroom!

So colorful!

Did you read Rebs and Nico?


Guest Room



Our clutter free living room. I know, we don't have a rug! I'm in the process of convincing Dan to buy one! And we don't have curtains, but that's not my priority!

3. I just cleaned all the windows! Phew! There is more to it than you think, I could bet on it! It's a huge accomplishment for me as I hate very strongly dislike doing it! I just hope they will stay clean for some time!

See what part of the window I mean? Actually, the glass I haven't cleaned yet, but that's piece of cake!


4. Declutter my dinning room: in the process of doing so! Believe me, it was much worse! And since we don't have a work desk I tend to use our dinning table as one! So on this picture what you see it is actually its best state so far! (ps. we usually eat all our meals on our kitchen's table!). Pay attention to the clutter on the wall behind our dinning table! I'm not working on it yet! Your time will come, your time will come, little wall!!

Dinning room almost clutter free


little wall clutter-full Yes, that's our herb's "garden"! =)

5. Declutter my bedroom! Oh my! This one is my never ending working project! I just hate very strongly dislike how papers, books, clothes, toys (!) and practically everything ends up in my room, in my closet, in my drawers and shelves. I say that when I finally finish organizing our papers and documents, we can rest in peace! No pictures, please!

6. We are practically done with our lawn now! I spent some good couple of hours on Saturday removing the weeds close to the other plants and trees and Dan applied weed killers on the grass two weeks ago! It's finally looking good for the first time this year!

I took this pic on saturday so you can't see it, but today we have lots of blossomed roses.


Random facts starting now!

1. Rebecca is my big and best helper! She LOVES to help me do anything and wants to try to do everything by herself! And she is great at it! Really! What a helper! She always helps me on loading and unloading our dishwasher and our laundry machines! She is great at buckling herself up in the car seat, brushing her teeth, etc etc!

Cute, cute!! She is shy and most times won't look at the camera! That must be a good thing!! =)

I got it!!! She was looking at the camera for a split second only!

mommy's little helper!!! I dread our garage walls, but we are renting. I would love to have them painted! Did you notice my yoga mat for our laundry space? It was the cheapest rubber mat I could find and now I regret that I didn't spend an extra $5 to buy a pattern free one!


2. Rebecca loves to draw and to paint! And I love to teach her that! Not to brag or anything, but she already knows so well the abcs, numbers, colors, shapes, nursery rhymes, animals, etc, that I practically don't spend any more time teaching her these things and I let her do more artsy things instead! As to really make it clear that I don't want to brag, I do have a preschool book I bought last year and according to it, she still has lots to learn about some other subjects. For example, everything is "under" or "behind" for her! We are trying to teach her "inside", "beside", "on top", "over", "in front of". And lots of other kinds of things! And I think that she could improve on her artsy side and patience as well! That's why!

playing with brush and paint today!


cute smile!


she painted it all by herself but mommy helped her choose the colors!! 

practically painted it all by herself!


3. We bought Frozen, the movie!!! After watching crappy videos from Frozen on youtube every single day (Dan included!!!) we finally gave in and bought the movie! Nico hates to watch TV (not at all like Rebecca used to be when she was a baby) But he will watch the musical parts of Frozen, only!

4. Nico loves to eat marshmallows! So I bought some bunny marshmallows and will stuff some plastic eggs with it for Easter! We'll be doing a very small egg hunt on our front and back yard for our kids with some toys and some (very few) candies! Wait for pictures next week! And I will be making my lovely chocolate stuffed egg with brigadeiro for myself! Yum! Can't wait! I only haven't started making it because I was sure I wouldn't wait for Easter to eat it!

5. I'm trying to undergo a diet! Nothing much, but to change some of my eating habits now that I'm not breastfeeding anymore! And I'm still strong on my exercising routine! I'm proud of myself!!

6. It's Holy Week, and I'm felling good about it with lots of energy! If everything goes well, Dan will watch the kids for me on Saturday night while I attend the vigil by myself! It's been a good while since my last time! We usually only go to the Easter Mass on Sunday morning, as only one is required and the vigil is too long for the kids!

Good Holy Week and have a nice Easter, everyone!! I will be facebooking and everything-social-media-else afterwards! I just hope I won't be checking it too much like I was before! Let's see! Can't really promise that, but I promise I will try!

The cold front arrived this morning!

Finally gave in to this fun app!! Here are my faves!


It's still me, not my sis Paula! Dan said I look like Emma Watson in this one and he joked that our resemblance it's the reason why he married me! Not romantic but I can't deny I like the compliment!


xoxo